{"id":131,"date":"2012-03-18T00:00:09","date_gmt":"2012-03-18T04:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/?p=131"},"modified":"2012-03-16T20:08:59","modified_gmt":"2012-03-17T00:08:59","slug":"chapter-twelve","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/?p=131","title":{"rendered":"Chapter Twelve"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

I knew I loved Sara before I ever met her.\u00a0 I loved her for being the other piece of my soul, the other half of me.\u00a0 I knew her in dreams and visions before I ever got to touch her, to shake her hand, to tell her, \u2018Hello, my name is Ryland.\u00a0 Call me Ry, everyone does.\u2019\u00a0 Of course, that\u2019s not how we met.\u00a0 She saved my life a thousand times, and I loved her for it\u2014or perhaps in spite of if.\u00a0 But she loved me back, before I ever met her.\u00a0 She loved a poor boy she\u2019d seen in passing and made it her mission to save his life.\u00a0 And she did.\u00a0 Thank whatever powers that be that miracles do happen.\u00a0 I have seen too much evidence to the contrary to believe that they don\u2019t.<\/h3>\n

— Journal of Ryland LeSarte, circa 4859 PD<\/h3>\n<\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

25 Octem, 5249 PD<\/strong><\/p>\n

She\u2019d barely spoken more than five words to him in the past two days.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t that she was angry.\u00a0 Upset, sure.\u00a0 But not angry.\u00a0 This wasn\u2019t the angry treatment.<\/p>\n

It was starting to make him go a little crazy.<\/p>\n

He wanted<\/em> to talk to her\u2014almost wanted her to be angry with him.\u00a0 But instead, she avoided him.\u00a0 Left him to his own devices.\u00a0 And it was eating him up inside.<\/p>\n

He came home that evening tired\u2014dog tired and wanting little more than a few kind words and a hug from her.\u00a0 She was in the kitchen, staring at nothing, a mug of something long gone cold in her hands.<\/p>\n

Brendan hung up his uniform jacket near the door and stared at her for a long moment before she looked up at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not mad,\u201d she said quietly.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me, Brendan?\u201d<\/p>\n

He grimaced.\u00a0 The truth?\u00a0 She\u2019ll be angry at me <\/em>and Ezra.\u00a0 But\u2026<\/em>\u00a0 He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cEzra made me promise.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know until a couple hours before the Council meeting that I\u2019d agreed to go because I didn\u2019t know.\u00a0 And by then there wasn\u2019t enough time to tell you before the meeting and\u2026\u201d\u00a0 His voice trailed away and he sighed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Lindsay.\u00a0 This wasn\u2019t supposed to hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know it wasn\u2019t.\u201d \u00a0She stared into the mug, then stood up and took it to the sink.\u00a0 She leaned against the countertop, staring out at their garden.\u00a0 \u201cThere has to be someone else who can go, Brendan.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t have<\/em> to be you, does it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you know someone else who knows the corporate and tactical languages of Chinasia Corps and can back up those languages with piloting skills, Lindsay\u2026\u201d\u00a0 He sighed, moving up behind her and sliding his arms around her waist.\u00a0 She leaned back into him as he buried his nose in her hair, kissed the back of her neck.\u00a0 \u201cIt wasn\u2019t an easy choice, Lin.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt couldn\u2019t have been.\u00a0 I know that.\u201d\u00a0 Her hands tightened on the rim of the counter.\u00a0 \u201cI just\u2026there has to be another way to do this, Brendan.\u00a0 There\u2019s got<\/em> to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head slowly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve looked, Lindsay.\u00a0 I keep trying to figure out if there\u2019s a better way and I can\u2019t find one.\u00a0 I just can\u2019t.\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying it doesn\u2019t exist, but I am<\/em> saying it\u2019s beyond my grasp.\u201d\u00a0 His arms tightened around her.\u00a0 \u201cDo you want<\/em> to just leave them there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can\u2019t just leave them there, Brendan.\u201d<\/p>\n

The alternative to a rescue was the death of her parents.\u00a0 They both knew that.\u00a0 It was too dangerous to let them live.\u00a0 It was a question of how long they had before that was the decision made.\u00a0 Grant and America knew too much.\u00a0 They just knew too much.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t want them to die, either.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she said quietly.\u00a0 She slowly turned, keeping his arms around her waist, and looked up at him.\u00a0 \u201cBut I don\u2019t want you<\/em> to die, either.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brendan flinched.\u00a0 \u201cDid you\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shook her head, resting her head against his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cNo,\u201d she admitted quietly.\u00a0 \u201cBut I\u2019m just\u2026I\u2019m just so afraid, Brendan.\u00a0 I can\u2019t do this without you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t do what<\/em>, Lin?\u201d\u00a0 What isn\u2019t she telling me?\u00a0 What did she see that\u2026that makes her think the way she\u2019s thinking?\u00a0 That makes her worry so much, be almost\u2026hopeless?<\/em>\u00a0 He rested his chin against her temple.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shook her head slightly.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t keep up my life<\/em> without you, Brendan.\u00a0 You give me normal<\/em>.\u00a0 I\u2026I need that.\u00a0 More than you know, I need that.\u00a0 I need that normalcy<\/em> that you give me.\u201d\u00a0 She looked at him, biting her lip for a moment.\u00a0 \u201cDo you have any idea how awful my world would be if I hadn\u2019t met you?\u00a0 If you\u2019d died in the water that day?\u201d<\/p>\n

He winced.\u00a0 He almost had<\/em>, though she\u2019d never known how close to it he\u2019d come.<\/p>\n

She touched his face, traced a faint scar on his chin with her thumb.\u00a0 He licked his lips a little, nervous.<\/p>\n

Her eyes captured his, her voice soft and serious, laced with pain and fear.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know if I\u2019d still be alive, Brendan.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d be able to take it.\u00a0 It\u2019s so hard\u2026it\u2019s too hard, sometimes.\u00a0 Aunt Rachel tries, but there\u2019s no way she can really understand what it\u2019s like.\u00a0 It\u2019s so different, the way you can comfort me and the way anyone else ever could.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I could survive without it.\u201d<\/p>\n

He swallowed hard against a lump in his throat.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not going to lose me, Lin.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to bring them home<\/em>, and I\u2019m going to come home, and everything will be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you know?\u201d\u00a0 She whispered.\u00a0 \u201cHow can you know that for sure, Brendan?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head a little.\u00a0 \u201cBecause I don\u2019t have another choice, Lin.\u00a0 Failure isn\u2019t an option.\u00a0 Abandoning you isn\u2019t an option.\u00a0 I\u2019ll come home.\u00a0 You\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded a little and sniffled, burying her face in his neck again.\u00a0 He hugged her close and sighed.\u00a0 I wish there was another way I could reassure you, Lin.\u00a0 I wish I did, but I don\u2019t.\u00a0 I just\u2026know what I know and feel what I feel.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing else to it.<\/em>\u00a0 He stood there and held her, knowing that it was all the comfort he could give.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I knew I loved Sara before I ever met her.\u00a0 I loved her for being the other piece of my soul, the other half of me.\u00a0 I knew her in dreams and visions before I ever got to touch her, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-last-colony"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p25yjF-27","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=131"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":133,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131\/revisions\/133"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}