{"id":146,"date":"2012-04-08T00:00:54","date_gmt":"2012-04-08T04:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/?p=146"},"modified":"2012-04-06T22:04:55","modified_gmt":"2012-04-07T02:04:55","slug":"chapter-fifteen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/?p=146","title":{"rendered":"Chapter Fifteen"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

They teach you from an early age in the Eurydice Compact that to love is to show weakness, that it\u2019s merely a farce, something that can be chemically induced on a whim.\u00a0 They\u2019re wrong, but they rather like repeating the lie.<\/h3>\n

— Grant Channing, c. 5035 PD<\/h3>\n<\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

5 Novem, 5249 PD<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve got a bad feeling about this,\u201d Ezra said for the tenth time since Brendan had locked the ship down and left them there alone.<\/p>\n

No one had bothered the ship since, but he was getting antsy and it was starting to wear on Alana\u2019s nerves.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t seem to notice her annoyance as he sat on one of the bunks, fidgeting and watching her as she cleaned and re-cleaned her weapons, oiling the knives from her boot and arm sheathes before replacing them, checking to make sure the needles that would deliver neurotoxin were clear of any debris.<\/p>\n

Apparently, she\u2019d reached a point where couldn\u2019t take it anymore, couldn\u2019t stand to listen to him worry out loud another second.\u00a0 Her head came up and she glared at him.\u00a0 \u201cWhy don\u2019t you just scan the base for him if you\u2019re so hot and bothered?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou say that like it\u2019s easy to figure out a ship\u2019s control board without an implant to help,\u201d Ezra frowned.<\/p>\n

Alana rolled her eyes and shook her head, then tapped a finger against her temple.\u00a0 She went back to checking her gear.<\/p>\n

Ezra winced, catching her meaning.\u00a0 Really don\u2019t want to do that.\u00a0 I think someone would notice, and then wouldn\u2019t we be in some kind of fix?<\/em>\u00a0 He exhaled and stood, starting to pace.\u00a0 \u201cShould this be taking so long?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe said to give him at least three hours, Ezra.\u00a0 Fact of the matter is, it\u2019ll probably take longer than that.\u00a0 Sit tight and knock it off.\u201d<\/p>\n

He had, but that didn\u2019t stop Ezra from worrying.\u00a0 What if this plan doesn\u2019t work?\u00a0 What if I\u2019ve gotten him killed?\u00a0 Lindsay will never forgive me, and she shouldn\u2019t.\u00a0 This was all my idea.\u00a0 It\u2019ll be all my fault.<\/em>\u00a0 He exhaled through his teeth and kept pacing in a tight line, four steps, pivot, four steps.\u00a0 Back and forth.\u00a0 Alana watched him for a moment then shook her head in disgust.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou make me wish I had something loaded up in this thing already,\u201d she muttered, gesturing to her metal hand.\u00a0 \u201cRelax.\u00a0 Take a pill or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

He glared at her.\u00a0 \u201cHow am I supposed to relax?\u201d\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t even going to dignify her suggestion that he take a sedative with a response.\u00a0 \u201cMy best friend is out there, wandering an enemy emplacement, looking for someone we think<\/em> is there.\u00a0 We\u2019re not even sure she\u2019s there.\u00a0 What if she\u2019s not? \u00a0What if they catch him?\u00a0 What do we do then?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen I go in guns blazing.\u00a0 It\u2019s not going to go down that way, though.\u201d\u00a0 Her lips thinned briefly.\u00a0 \u201cFor all the hell I give him, Cho is a good soldier with a good head on his shoulders.\u00a0 He\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

She watched him pace for a moment more and sighed, shaking her head.\u00a0 \u201cThe Council was right,\u201d she muttered, going back to her weapons. \u00a0\u201cYou\u2019re not prepared for this.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lot of hurry up and wait in these things, Ezra.\u00a0 It\u2019s the nature of the beast.\u201d<\/p>\n

The nature of the beast.\u00a0 How many situations like this has she been in?<\/em>\u00a0 He stopped pacing and stared at her for a moment.<\/p>\n

God, she\u2019s beautiful.<\/em>\u00a0 He looked as she looked up from another combat knife she\u2019d been sharpening.<\/p>\n

\u201cWere you just staring at me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he answered quickly.\u00a0 Too quickly.<\/p>\n

Either she hadn\u2019t noticed, or she was ignoring it.\u00a0 It was probably the latter, Ezra decided.\u00a0 She was smart enough to catch it, and not as emotionally stunted as she tried to appear to the rest of the colony.\u00a0 Sometimes he wondered if she used her past as a shield to keep people away.<\/p>\n

She stared at him for a moment, then looked back at her knife.\u00a0 \u201cTake a nap, Ezra.\u00a0 We\u2019re not going to need you until he gets back anyway, if we even need you then.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you saying I\u2019m useless?\u201d\u00a0 He almost winced at the defensiveness in his own voice.\u00a0 Alana stared at him for a moment and sighed, shaking his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are not<\/em> prepared,\u201d she said simply.\u00a0 \u201cAnd this whole situation proves it.\u00a0 Maybe some military training should <\/em>be compulsory.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMost of us are pacifists,\u201d Ezra said, still on the defensive.<\/p>\n

\u201cPacifism is a farce,\u201d Alana said simply.\u00a0 \u201cAn illusion.\u00a0 As a species, we\u2019re warlike.\u00a0 Even the great luminaries of the Foundation realized that.\u00a0 Hell, Quizibian said it, flat-out.\u201d\u00a0 She stared at him for a few long moments.\u00a0 \u201cSome of them had to lose their innocence to realize that.\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid that\u2019s the way you\u2019re going to end up learning that lesson, too.\u201d\u00a0 She looked back down to her knife and began to sharpen it, but not before he caught a flash of pain in her eyes.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t know what to say.\u00a0 A part of him wanted to tell her no, that she was wrong, but the words wouldn\u2019t come.\u00a0 Was she right?\u00a0 Was the entirety of humanity\u2026bred for war?\u00a0 Or was that her background talking? She\u2019d been raised and trained for the sole purpose of being a soldier, a killing machine for the Compact.\u00a0 That had to color her perceptions, right?\u00a0 He turned away and stared at the station beyond the windows.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe I will<\/em> take that nap,\u201d he murmured.\u00a0 Or at least lay down and close my eyes.\u00a0 And try not to think about this.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to think about this.\u00a0 Deep philosophical questions\u2026bloody hell.\u00a0 I don\u2019t need that crap right now.\u00a0 My friend is out there, on that station, possibly getting himself shot to bits, and she\u2026<\/em>\u00a0 His thoughts dropped off and he sighed, sitting down on the bunk.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m right, aren\u2019t I?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShut up, Alana,\u201d he muttered.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes genius can\u2019t match up to life experience, Ezra.\u00a0 Another universal truth.\u201d\u00a0 Her voice was gentle, though, lacking the razored edges.\u00a0 Did she feel bad<\/em> for what she\u2019d said?<\/p>\n

He nodded glumly.\u00a0 Life experience is something I\u2019m on this trip to get.\u00a0 Goddamn it.\u00a0 Walking into a war and I have no conception of what war really is.\u00a0 I\u2019m worried about a friend that\u2019s walked into the lion\u2019s den when I should be worrying about my entire planet.\u00a0 What\u2019s wrong with me?<\/em><\/p>\n

She patted his knee.\u00a0 He looked up at her.\u00a0 She smiled a little.<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst mission is always hard,\u201d she offered.\u00a0 \u201cBut you\u2019ll get through it, just like Brendan and I did about a million years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled back and nodded a little.\u00a0 Brendan\u2019s wrong,<\/em> he thought.\u00a0 There\u2019s a soul in there, and a good one.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She\u2019s more human than he thinks she is after all.\u00a0 And the shell is thinner than he thinks.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

They teach you from an early age in the Eurydice Compact that to love is to show weakness, that it\u2019s merely a farce, something that can be chemically induced on a whim.\u00a0 They\u2019re wrong, but they rather like repeating the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-146","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-last-colony"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p25yjF-2m","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/146","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=146"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/146\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":147,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/146\/revisions\/147"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=146"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=146"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=146"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}