{"id":217,"date":"2012-08-05T00:00:22","date_gmt":"2012-08-05T04:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/?p=217"},"modified":"2012-08-04T18:30:21","modified_gmt":"2012-08-04T22:30:21","slug":"chapter-thirty-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/?p=217","title":{"rendered":"Chapter Thirty-one"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Every man and woman carries a weight within their hearts that is their singular burden to bear.\u00a0 Some of us carry our weights with more grace than others.\u00a0 It is written that the greatest amongst us carry their burdens heavily but never show the strain to the world.<\/h3>\n

— Preface to Rose: A Life<\/em> by Harriet Cartman<\/h3>\n<\/blockquote>\n

15 Novem, 5249 PD<\/strong><\/p>\n

She lay curled awake in Brendan\u2019s old bed at her aunt\u2019s house, listening to the sounds of autumn beyond the walls and letting the comforting presence of four other minds in close proximity lull her into relaxation.\u00a0 With those other minds so close, it was easier to feel less alone, a little easier to be without him.<\/p>\n

But it was still damned hard.<\/p>\n

Her fingers bunched the cloth of her blankets.\u00a0 I hope he\u2019s okay.\u00a0 Please let him be okay.<\/em><\/p>\n

They hadn\u2019t heard anything since their last check-in, before Brendan, Ezra, and Alana headed into Compact space to find her father.\u00a0 Days had gone by without word, without so much as a whisper.<\/p>\n

Then, four days ago, pain like she\u2019d never felt before, pain she hadn\u2019t told anyone about\u2014distant but familiar.\u00a0 She squeezed her eyes shut at the memory, holding in unshed tears of grief.\u00a0 It was him, but why did he hurt so much?\u00a0 And why can\u2019t I feel him now?<\/em>\u00a0 Was it just because the distances were too vast, or was there another, more sinister reason?<\/p>\n

What if he\u2019s dead and never coming home to me?\u00a0 What if that\u2019s what happened?<\/em>\u00a0 Bile crept up in her throat and she swallowed it back down again.<\/p>\n

No.\u00a0 Ezra promised they\u2019d all be okay.\u00a0 Uncle Adam promised.\u00a0 Everything will be fine.<\/em><\/p>\n

Lindsay rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling for a few long moments, breathing deeply and trying to will herself to sleep.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t coming.\u00a0 Her mind was too awake, too worried.\u00a0 She sighed.<\/p>\n

Nothing for it.<\/em>\u00a0 She rolled out of bed and started to get dressed.\u00a0 Maybe a walk would do her some good.<\/p>\n

She crept out of her room across the wooden floors, her shoes in one hand so she could slip out unnoticed.\u00a0 Halfway down the hall, she saw a dim light coming from the kitchen.\u00a0 Who\u2019s still up at this hour?<\/em>\u00a0 Biting her lip, she crept onward and eased into the slate-floored room.\u00a0 Frederick Rose sat at the kitchen table, a mug of tea by his elbow and one of her aunt\u2019s books open in front of him.\u00a0 A wry smile tugged at the corner of his mouth at the sound of her tread, though he didn\u2019t look up from his reading.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou couldn\u2019t sleep, either?\u201d<\/p>\n

Lindsay shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cNot from lack of trying. \u00a0I just keep worrying too much about things I can\u2019t change, I guess.\u201d\u00a0 She moved closer to the table.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you reading?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head, traces of a smirk touching his lips.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I\u2019d started with my own biography, but when I realized I didn\u2019t recognize myself, I switched over to one of your aunt\u2019s books on Ryland LeSarte.\u201d<\/p>\n

That tea smells good.\u00a0 <\/em>A kettle sat on the stove, still steaming.\u00a0 \u201cShe has a lot of those.\u201d\u00a0 Lindsay fetched down a mug and began to make her own cup.\u00a0 \u201cWhich one is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdamczak\u2019s,\u201d Frederick said, leaning back.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s quite a bit of writing in the margins of this copy, too.\u00a0 Handwriting that doesn\u2019t look like Rachel\u2019s though.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt wouldn\u2019t,\u201d Lindsay said, feeling her face flush slightly.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s mine.\u00a0 Adamczak\u2019s one of my favorites, but I feel like he didn\u2019t go far enough with his theories.\u00a0 There was a lot more going on for Farragut and LeSarte that he only scrapes the surface of.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSuch as?\u201d<\/p>\n

Lindsay leaned against the counter as she let her tea steep, swirling hot water around in her mug around the tea ball.\u00a0 \u201cAdamczak theorized that exposure to not only LeSarte but the chemical weapons that the Compact was developing at the time might have been what sparked Sarah Farragut\u2019s sudden increase in psychic abilities. \u00a0The fact of the matter is, she didn\u2019t exhibit any ability whatsoever before she met Ryland.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen the idea that she didn\u2019t have any<\/em> ability in the first place in one or two articles from a long time back\u2014from shortly after they both died.\u00a0 I\u2019m wondering if they\u2019re right, that maybe Sarah Farragut\u2019s psychic ability manifested because of a nascent bond she formed with Ryland LeSarte the first day they met.\u201d\u00a0 She chewed her lower lip.\u00a0 \u201cBut that requires a belief that soul mates exist and a belief that bonds can be instantaneous and involuntary at the same time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou sound like you believe they are,\u201d Frederick said, leaning back in his chair and gazing thoughtfully at her.\u00a0 \u201cDo you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 Part of me wants to.\u201d\u00a0 She sank down into one of the kitchen chairs and stared at him, cradling her mug of tea between her palms.\u00a0 \u201cAnd then the rest of me isn\u2019t sure.\u00a0 Believing in soul mates and things that are meant to be means that some things are certain.\u00a0 I see things sometimes when I close my eyes and I want desperately to change them.\u00a0 If they\u2019re certain, what am I supposed to do?\u00a0 Sit back and let them happen?\u00a0 Keep my mouth shut because there\u2019s no way I can change what\u2019s going to be?\u00a0 I can\u2019t accept that\u2014I can\u2019t.\u00a0 Not at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd about soul mates?\u00a0 Bonds?\u201d<\/p>\n

Breath huffed out of her as she choked back a laugh.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2026yeah.\u00a0 I guess I do because I met mine and I married him.\u201d\u00a0 She rested her chin on one hand, staring at the grain of the wooden tabletop.\u00a0 \u201cAlana was going to kill him\u2014Alana Chase.\u00a0 She used to be a commando here, one of our best.\u00a0 She\u2019s ostensibly retired now and spends her retirement following me around like a shadow or a lost puppy.\u201d\u00a0 Lindsay knuckled her eyes.\u00a0 Is that how I really feel about her?\u00a0 She\u2019s actually more like an annoying, overprotective older sister.\u00a0 So why didn\u2019t I just say that?<\/em>\u00a0 She shook her head at herself.\u00a0 \u201cAnyway, she was out in the surf with two squadrons when Brendan\u2019s ship crashed here.\u00a0 She was about to shoot him when I yelled at her not to.\u00a0 I was on the skimmer with Aunt Rachel coming in to see what had happened.\u201d\u00a0 Her throat knotted.\u00a0 \u201cI saw Brendan laying there in the water and something in me just knew<\/em>.\u00a0 I knew we were meant for each other.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if he did then, too, but I did.\u201d\u00a0 She stared into the darkness of her tea.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve always known.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the curse of being the Oracle,\u201d Frederick said softly, reaching over and letting his hand cover hers.\u00a0 His strong fingers squeezed tightly before relaxing.\u00a0 \u201cI can only imagine the weight of your burden.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s no lighter than yours,\u201d Lindsay said softly, lifting her gaze to meet his.\u00a0 \u201cYou knew who killed Mimir but you can\u2019t remember anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

Frederick shrugged and leaned back.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s true.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I would be much happier if I could remember, though.\u00a0 I would still be powerless to go back and change anything that happened to my world and it seems these days that there\u2019s no way that the perpetrators would face any justice.\u201d\u00a0 A smile ghosted across his lips.\u00a0 \u201cSo it hardly seems to matter.\u00a0 The only thing the knowledge would bring to any of us is pain.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo why dwell, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPrecisely.\u201d\u00a0 Frederick closed the book quietly.\u00a0 \u201cYou looked like you were about to go for a walk when you came in here before and found me.\u00a0 Were you still going to go?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter this cup of tea, yes, I think I am.\u201d\u00a0 Lindsay took a long swallow from the mug, letting the hot liquid warm her to her core, staring to melt the ice inside that had been gathering in the face of Brendan\u2019s absence.\u00a0 \u201cI just need to clear my head.\u00a0 I can\u2019t sleep, I just keep thinking about Brendan and how we haven\u2019t heard from any of them in days.\u00a0 I\u2019m worried.\u201d<\/p>\n

Frederick shot her a sympathetic smile.\u00a0 \u201cI can understand that.\u00a0 Would you like some company?\u201d<\/p>\n

Lindsay hesitated, then smiled faintly and shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cI wouldn\u2019t say no to it.\u00a0 Are you going stir-crazy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust a little bit.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t seen much of the world cooped up here or at Urgarthe for all these years.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s time I see some of it, even if it is<\/em> darker than the inside of a dog out there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019d be delighted to be your late-night tour guide, then.\u201d\u00a0 At least it\u2019ll help get my mind off worrying.\u00a0 Maybe this is exactly what I need.<\/em><\/p>\n

The enigmatic smile Frederick Rose shot her told her that somehow, he\u2019d figured that out long before she\u2019d ever realized it.<\/p>\n

Lindsay smiled back and squeezed the older man\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou never have to thank me for anything, child.\u201d\u00a0 He squeezed her fingers.\u00a0 \u201cDrink your tea.\u00a0 I figure we\u2019ve got an hour or two before my wife realizes I\u2019m not in bed and starts working herself into a lather.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lindsay choked on a laugh and did as she was told.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Every man and woman carries a weight within their hearts that is their singular burden to bear.\u00a0 Some of us carry our weights with more grace than others.\u00a0 It is written that the greatest amongst us carry their burdens heavily … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-217","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-last-colony"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p25yjF-3v","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=217"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":218,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217\/revisions\/218"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=217"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=217"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.embklitzke.com\/e557\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=217"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}