25 Septembers Later

I still remember

Getting up too early

With a late summer cold

On a September Tuesday

Where the sky was so blue

You could see forever.

I still remember

An early morning bike ride

Pledges on a seesaw

Under the blue arch

Who worried when they didn’t see me

Since I’d wiped out on the gravel under the trees.

I remember coming back

Taking a shower

Roommate gone by the time I was done

Sitting down at my computer

Someone telling me in chat to turn on the TV

And so I did.

I remember calling friends

Two calls

Telling them to turn on their TVs too

And being on with one

When the second plane hit.

I still remember

Calling the department office

To ask if we still had class that morning

And my professor asking why we wouldn’t

And being the one to tell him

That two planes had just hit the World Trade Center.

I remember coming back

After five minutes of class

And half an hour at the dining commons

Calling my mom to find out where Dad was

And being relived that I had my directions confused.

I remember sitting on Nick’s floor

And picking teams for the end of the world

And watching all of it come down.

I remember how wrong it all felt

And how we knew everything had changed

And how somehow a whole generation

Had suddenly had their tomorrow be different from what they’d planned.

I remember thinking

That it was the end of one thing

And the beginning of another

And knowing that no matter what happened next

Nothing would ever be right again.

Lost and Found draft work

Some handwritten work on the second draft of Lost and Found. That book has definitely shown the benefit of alpha/beta readers, since everyone who did the beta read on the finished first draft told me the same thing: POV needs to be both twins, not just AJ.

They were absolutely right, but it has definitely delayed this book significantly (though certainly for the best, since I continue to learn more and more about additional characters in the series as I work through this and other related projects).

Stuff that happens on a train

I wrote on the train yesterday, as one does. These things happen. I’m sure I’ll have more to say about the whole enterprise later, but tl;dr – I had the building urge to try a new flavor of something, and we’ll see where it goes.

This came from my train writing. Speculate as you see fit.

See my Patreon for a bit more.

Musings on historiography

I am, by training, a historian.  I am also an anthropologist and a political scientist, but by far the most formal training, time, and money spent has been as a historian.

Yes, I know I’m a writer, too, but that is a state of being, not my degree(s).  But it also does certainly tie into being a historian.

Why?

Because historians write—and not just a little.  Historians write a lot.  Part of this is because that’s how our work survives—in monographs and articles and published conference papers, in blog posts and ruminations and our notes.  Writing is and for centuries has been how historians preserve the things that we study and in turn, the writing of other historians is part of how we come to our own understandings of what has been.

Historians write so much that as we progress deeper and deeper into doing history, we all learn about something called historiography.

I just heard a thousand undergrads and probably an equal number of grad students groan.  I get it.  Historiography is hard and can be annoying when all you want to do is be digging through your primary sources and finding that huge new piece of the puzzle that no one else has found before, the answer to the question that no one else has asked.  I get it.  I was there, too.

It has taken a long time for me to really appreciate historiography for what  it is, not just something that we’re forced to do as scholars.  It’s a lens through which we understand our field—it’s our slightly more complicated version of a literature review that would pop up in almost any other field.

Why is it more complicated?  Probably because in doing historiography, we’re not just looking at what other people have talked about before—we’re actually putting together a meta-history of what other scholars have written and argued before.  We are tracing the throughlines of different arguments and interpretations of the past.

Now why would we do that, you might be asking, especially if you’re not necessarily familiar with history as a discipline—or maybe because you are.  We do that because the same way we look at primary source material—whether it be writing, art, records, music, something else—through the lens of the time period it was created in, we also need to look at our secondary sources in the same way.  The influences of time, society, and the situation in which a work was created, scholarly or otherwise, can have a huge impact on how history has been interpreted over time.  Much like other disciplines, you can see different schools of thought—structuralist, post-modernist, the gamut—but it goes deeper than that.

Think about looking at Victorian interpretations of English history—those historians writers had a particular point of view and a particular audience they were writing for, and in turn that influences the work.  A scholar writing in the 1960s may have been radically reinterpreting the work of  a past scholar in a new way, either based on new understandings of the time period or new evidence—or just  by looking at something from another angle.

Historians are constantly in dialogue with history and we are constantly learning new things about the past.  We argue with each other over differing interpretations of evidence in ways that many disciplines don’t—in part, because when we look into the past, we always have to ask ourselves where the line is between what was left behind and what was true.  Every so often, we’ll see a seismic shift in what the discipline sees as the big important questions and who is worthy of study.  It’s part of what makes history so exciting as a discipline—we are constantly learning new things.  It’s also something that can be frustrating about the discipline.

Which brings us back to historiography.

As historians at all levels (whether we know it or not), we work through piles of monographs and articles, slogging through levels upon levels of different interpretations and reassessments.  As you continue to work your way through what’s come before you in the scholarly discourse, you start to see patterns emerge that you can sort into schools of thought or alliances of the same and then reactions to those, reinterpretations of the same evidence, and on and on.  This is why we actually a word for describing that kind of discourse.  In order to be able to do history well, you have to understand how others have done it and how others have understood the same things that you are looking at now.  Of course, there are always gaps.

Usually.

Maybe.

Most historians dream of finding those gaps and writing the seminal work on a particular niche hole in the historiography that may or may not be real.  It’s the dream that dovetails nicely with finding a hidden archive on your favorite subject that no one else knew existed.  Time to fill a big hole.

You know.  Until you find the one unpublished master’s thesis that covered the same material some twenty-odd years earlier.

Do the historiography.  Do the work.  You’ll appreciate it a lot more than you realize later.

I certainly did.

Novembers past and November to come

It was very weird this week to be struck by the sudden realization that I hadn’t spent October thinking through and planning for another round of NaNoWriMo. Up until last year, I had spent almost every October for the last twenty years that way, deciding what I wanted to spend 30 days writing at least 50,000 words on.

My first NaNo was in 2003. My last was in 2023. I had a good run–“winning” more than I lost–and did Camp NaNo over the years here and there, too, in the spring and summer. After a while I didn’t participate in the online community as much, but I did manage to go to a few write-ins in graduate school and then while working through my second bachelor’s degree. It was wonderful and in some ways, I miss those quiet gatherings, the sprints, the coffee and snacks and laughter, the talking through sticky points together and sharing whatever insane yarn we’d come up with for that year.

I think the greatest gift that NaNo ever gave me was the permission to write fast, to write hard, to not worry about whether it was good just that it was down on paper–the permission to be wildly creative without worrying too much. When you have friends writing about sapphic werewolves and alien invasions, you learn those kinds of things.

NaNo was never about writing the great American novel, at least not for me and not for most of the folks I ever interacted with. It was about practicing a craft and telling the stories that were in us, about the actual work of writing and creativity. Even if you didn’t win, you learned something, you got some words toward the million words of practice toward mastery. In a lot of ways, it was magic.

Then the magic died.

It’s weird to think that it’s gone, now, but the writing was on the wall last year with everything that happened. Like for so many things, the stance on AI was the final nail in the coffin. It’s sad, but you also consider that most of the original staff was now gone, and the original magic that was bound up in the whole enterprise was fading.

But that won’t stop a lot of us from settling in this November, as the days grow short and the nights get cold (at least in the northern hemisphere) to work on something new, something old, to write hard and see where our creativity can take us.

I’m no exception. I’ve set myself a challenge and some of what I produce will land here and more will be on my Patreon. There won’t be winning, not this year, not the way there has been before. But there will still be something.

So here’s to the Novembers past and the November yet to come. May it be a creative, magical one.

Thoughts on the promotional landscape

I found myself musing last week about how the advertising landscape—really, the landscape in general—has shifted for creatives over the last 15-20 years or so. For context, started releasing my first serial, Awakenings, in 2011 and probably in that first year and certainly by the second, I was doing some light paid advertising to get it in front of more eyeballs.

That was the heyday of things like serialized fiction (typically on self-hosted sites rather than aggregated spaces like Wattpad or AO3) and tilted more toward original work than fan fiction (not that I didn’t cut my teeth there for a very, very long time). It was also the era of the self-hosted webcomic (I read so many of those in college and grad school). In a lot of ways, the teenage and young adult years of the broadly accessible internet are something I’m sure I’m not the only millennial feels a bit of nostalgia for. Back in those days, there were different kinds of advertising options beyond the ubiquitous shameless self-promotion (which seems increasingly more what we’re expected to do beyond Facebook ads) and I tripped over one called Project Wonderful, which at the time fueled ads on several of the webcomics that I was following.

Now, I haven’t dug too deeply to see if it still exists, but back then, you basically load your advertising budget into a pool, load your different ads (images of different size, static or not) and then could do one of two things: let Project Wonderful pick what would be best for you based on information you put in, including what categories your ad fit into, what kinds of sites you thought your ads would do well on, and how much you wanted to spend per number of impressions, or bid directly on different spots (ie, on sites that you visited yourself). You could also do a combination of both, which is what I usually did.

And I’ll be damned if it didn’t work. At its height, I was getting thousands of hits a day on Awakenings and my other serial after I started advertising them. I wonder now, if I’d decided to advertise my books using Project Wonderful, if I’d have a bigger following now.

It is the only paid advertising I ever did and I can’t say that it didn’t work. This said, I don’t know that it would work the same these days, in our worlds where the algorithms rule our browsing experiences and ad blockers are very much more the norm. Part of what was attractive about Project Wonderful was that you as a site host actually got to pick where you put the advertising boxes, too, which meant you got to figure out how to make it work for your site design. It feels less and less like that these days when you look at so many sites out there that are ad-supported. This said, I don’t know for sure – the last time I hosted any kind of ads, they were from Project Wonderful, and I had some control there.

It’s strange to think sometimes of how much the landscape has changed. Someday I may need to do those Facebook ads (I’m not sold on BookBub) or something similar. It’s going to be a lot of research before that day comes, though, and probably won’t happen until we hit release day for Lost and Found or a similar project.

But we’ll see.

Septembers

There is something about Septembers,

A time of year where things seem to change

For good and bad

But always, for forever.

Never just the single drop

Always the ripples

That become the wave

Become the flood.

Twenty-four Septembers

This September

And nothing will ever be the same.