Here is the first of what’s probably going to be many side trips I share this year. Some will be background, some will be experiments, some things will be canon for projects and some won’t be. This one? Probably canon, but canon that doesn’t quite fit into any story I’ve currently got planned.
Hope you enjoy.
December 26
She woke to the feeling of his lips pressed against the back of her neck through her hair and Kate smiled, rolling onto her back. “Mmm. Good morning.”
Tim smiled crookedly as he reached down and ran the back of his fingers against her cheek. “Morning sunshine. I’ve got a surprise for you.”
“Is it a good one?” she asked, reaching for his sleeve, intending to tug him back down to the mattress. She blinked as she realized he was already dressed, her brows knitting as thoughts of dragging him back under the covers evaporated. She pushed up on her elbows and studied him for a long moment as he perched with one knee on the edge of the bed, the other firmly on the floor. “You’re already dressed.”
“I’ve been up for a couple hours,” he admitted with a rueful smile.
“Don’t tell me you couldn’t sleep,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “What’s going on?”
“Would you believe nothing?”
“Bloody hell, Tim—”
He cut her off with a kiss and that should have fueled her ire even more but instead she sighed, leaning in and wrapping her arm around his shoulders.
“Bugger,” she muttered against his lips, then kissed him again. “You are utterly impossible.”
“It’s part of my charm,” he said. He drew back and brushed her tousled hair back from her face. “I meant it, though. I have a surprise. Pack a bag and make sure you’ve got your paperwork.”
Her brow quirked. “My paperwork,” she repeated.
He nodded. “Call it an early honeymoon.”
She snorted. “Right.”
Tim laughed and nudged her. “Just get dressed and pack a bag. Uncle Chris is making some breakfast.” He kissed her one more time and got up. “And for once, he might not be making too much, so you’d better hurry.”
Kate groaned and buried her face in her pillow for another moment, sighing.
“Tim?”
“Hm?”
She rolled onto her back, staring at him as he stood with his hand on the doorknob. He was dressed in jeans and a University of Chicago tee shirt that had probably been a gift from his sister at some point in their history. “This surprise—”
“Stop worrying,” he said, giving her the devil-may-care smile that had captured her interest one sand-blasted afternoon in the Middle East. “It’s sister-approved.”
Her gaze narrowed slightly. “Is this something you planned before or after—”
“Does it matter?”
The question stopped her cold and she paused to consider. His smile softened and his hand fell away from the door. “Katie,” he said gently. “Stop worrying, huh?”
“I don’t know if that’s possible at this point,” she said, scrubbing a hand over her face. “Even when we were—when I—” she exhaled and shook her head. “I always worry about you, Tim. It’s not something I can help.”
“Well, this isn’t one of those things you have to worry about,” he said quietly, coming back over to the bed. He knelt down in front of her and took both of her hands in his, squeezing her fingers gently. Her heart gave a little double-beat and she smiled faintly. “We’re going to have a lifetime, Kate. I’m not going to do anything to endanger that. I swear.”
Kate choked on a laugh. “Well, as long as you swear…”
Tim laughed and the sound made her heart soar. He hadn’t sounded so unburdened and free in years.
Maybe we really do have a chance.
She’d told him yes because she wanted to believe him, wanted so badly to have a future with him that she was willing to take any chance—she’d realized how miserable she was without him even when she was miserable sometimes when they were together.
Things are going to be different now. A lot different.
She squeezed his calloused fingers and he rocked up to one knee to kiss her forehead.
“You should have brought me a cup of coffee,” she scolded gently, then grinned. He grinned back.
“All part of the plan to get you downstairs faster. Pack that bag.”
“All right, all right.” She tugged her hands free and ran both through his hair, cradling his face between her palms. “You’re sure I’m going to like it?”
His smile turned uncertain but no less endearing. “I sure as hell hope so, anyway.”
That made her grin.
“Get going,” she said gently. “I’ll be down in ten. Do I need to pack anything in specific?”
“Be ready for anything,” he said as he straightened. Kate chuckled.
“Anything, huh?”
Tim nodded sagely, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Anything.”
—
Breakfast downstairs was noisy and crowded, not that Kate had expected much less for Boxing Day breakfast. She could hear Bryn’s voice echoing down the hall as she harangued her poor husband.
“If you don’t hurry up, we’ll miss our flight.”
Whatever soothing response Jim made was lost in the sound of clattering plates and pans, accompanied by Chris McConaway’s voice. “You’ll be fine, Bryn. I checked and everything’s delayed by the snow anyway. You’ve got plenty of time to get out to O’Hare even if we throw you all on a train to get there.”
“I just—”
Kate stepped into the kitchen and was immediately engulfed from the waist down in a hug. “Happy Boxing Day Auntie Kate!”
She smiled and tousled Connor’s dark, reddish hair. “Thanks kiddo.” A quick survey of the table revealed some missing faces—namely, AJ and Mat and then Brigid and the twins. “Where’s—”
Chris handed her a cup of coffee as Tim waved her over to the kitchen table and her usual seat. “AJ and Mat went to go get him some new clothes and they were going to drop Brigid and the twins off at home in the way. She said she might be back later, but for the moment she just wanted some quiet time with the kids.”
“Understandably,” Kate murmured, gently disengaging her godson from around her waist. “Are there still eggs?”
“We saved you bacon,” Connor said proudly as he went back to the table. His mother heaved a sigh, carrying Connor’s little sister against her hip.
“It wasn’t easy, either,” Bryn said as she came over to kiss Kate’s cheek. “Wish us luck.”
Kate snorted. “You two have managed transatlantic flights with the kids before and you needed zero luck then—what makes you think you’ll need it today?”
Bryn shot her a wry smile. “My gut,” she said, then hoisted CJ a little higher. “I think it’s going to be a ridiculously long day.”
“You’ll be fine,” Kate assured her. “Give my love to your parents and the boys. Tell them I’ll call later.”
“At this rate, you’ll talk to them before I will.” Bryn cast a glance and a rueful smile toward her husband before she turned and slipped out of the kitchen, presumably to head upstairs for a final check on their bags and to change CJ’s clothes.
I sincerely doubt that, Kate thought with a slight grin of her own as she took a sip of coffee and headed for her seat at the table. Tim leaned over to kiss her cheek as his uncle deposited a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of her with a grin and a wink. Kate gave the older man a long look before looking sidelong to Tim.
“Why do I think he’s in on the surprise?”
“Because you’re an incredibly intelligent and perceptive woman,” Chris said, then shot her a cheeky grin of his own. “And because you probably figured out that you’re flying somewhere, which requires the use of a plane. Eat your breakfast.”
“We’re not flying commercial?” Her brow arched slightly as she regarded Tim with a curious look.
Tim shook his head. “No. We’re taking the corporate charter.”
She looked between her lover and his uncle for a few seconds, her brow furrowing now. “You’re not going to need it, Chris?”
“I don’t have any meetings anywhere until after the first of the year,” he said, his tone mildly chiding. “You know me, Kate. This is the season for family and I like to make sure both me and the rest of the company have at least some time for that.”
That did nothing to ease the butterflies that were exploding in her stomach. She nodded slowly as she reached for her fork. “Is there anyone who’s not in on this?”
Tim seemed to think about the question for a second, then shrugged. “Mat. The kids. I think that’s it.”
“Why not?”
“Well, Mat just got back and he’s got enough that he’s trying to handle and the kids would spill and ruin the surprise for you. Don’t want that.” Tim smiled, topping off his mug.
“They would absolutely spoil the surprise,” Jim said, standing from his chair in a scrape of wood against tile. He was halfway to the sink with his plate in hand before Chris intercepted him. “And this is not one you want ruined.”
“If you guys don’t stop talking about it, I’m going to start wondering even more what he’s got cooked up,” Kate said, then smiled crookedly.
“You’re already wondering,” Tim said, still grinning. “But I’m going to lay pretty strong odds that you’re not going to guess.”
“Well, I know we’re going on a trip,” she said, tucking into her breakfast. “And I’m supposed to be ready for anything.”
“I’m not sure how that’s any different from everyday life with him,” Jim said as he started to shepherd his son out of the kitchen. “Ready to move and ready for anything?”
Kate snorted, watching him. “And who’s fault is that, Jim?”
“I’m going to go with Cay’s,” he said on his way out the door. “Have fun!”
She let out an exasperated sigh and glanced at Chris and Tim. Chris just chuckled and shook his head, turning his attention to the dishes. Tim leaned against the counter, sipping his coffee, his gaze drifting to the kitchen windows and the snow that sparkled despite the lack of morning sunshine. She followed his gaze, watching the snow sift down for a few seconds.
“Do you think it’s going to delay us at all?”
Tim shook his head. “No. I think it’ll be fine. After all, we’ll have an extra pilot on board.”
Kate grinned. “I’m surprised you’re not flying us yourself.”
“Believe me, I thought about it,” he said, straightening. “Letting someone else do it sounded like a better idea the more I thought about it. Gives you and I more time to spend together, right?”
“You say that like we’re not going to have time,” she said. “I did say yes.”
His cheeks flamed. “Yes, you did,” he said, looking away for a second. “And hearing those words meant more to me than anything ever has in my whole life, believe me when I say that. I’m shit without you.”
“You’re not shit,” she said, leaning back in her chair. “Maybe not your best, but you’re certainly not shit. You wouldn’t have survived this long if that was the case.”
Tim chuckled softly and shook his head, draining the rest of his coffee. “Finish eating. I’m going to go load the car.”
“Okay.” A faint smile curved her lips as she watched him hand his mug to his uncle and head for the door, her heart climbing into her throat and lodging there for a moment. I don’t know what kind of adventure he’s got planned, but I’m sure as hell glad I get to go on it with him.
After all, that was the way it always should have been. Their fights has always been more about him doing stupidly dangerous things alone or not telling her when he was about to go do something insane, something that could get him lost or killed or worse.
It had always been the “or worse” that had scared her the most.
“He’s always needed you.”
She startled slightly at the sound of Chris’s voice—for a moment, she’d forgotten he was even there. Kate swallowed hard, glancing down to her half-eaten plate—a meal that she barely remembered eating, so focused on everything else that she’d completely missed the taste and texture of eggs and bacon and hash browns. A blush stole across her cheeks and she shook her head slightly.
“I know,” she said softly. “Deep down, I always did. I just—”
“You don’t owe me explanations,” he said, bringing over the coffee pot and refilling her mug. “I’m just happy the two of you are figuring out your collective shit.”
Kate choked on a laugh, shaking her head. “Thanks, Chris.”
“Anytime,” he said. He squeezed her shoulder and then headed back to the counter. “Enjoy this.”
“And by ‘this’ you mean…?”
He smiled over his shoulder at her. “All of it.”
“I’ll try.”
“I know you will.” He winked and turned back to the dishes in the sink. Kate leaned back in her chair again, taking another sip of coffee.
Enjoy this. Enjoy all of it.
Joy is fleeting. Savor it for as long as it lasts.
—
It was the slow shift in altitude that woke her. Tim didn’t move immediately even as she stirred, his arm still wrapped around her and head resting against hers. Kate reached up to rub her eyes, disrupting the blanket they’d wrapped themselves in when they’d settled in for an afternoon nap.
“Almost there,” Tim murmured, half startling her. She titled her head just enough to see his eyes were open, gaze trained on a window on the opposite side of the plane.
“I didn’t think you were awake.”
“Only for a few minutes,” he said, smiling faintly. “How’s the surprise been so far?”
“Champagne and chocolate are certainly a good way to my heart.” She grinned up at him, starting to slowly disentangle herself from the blanket. “Where are we going? How long were we asleep?”
“A few hours,” he said. “Long enough to make the crossing.”
“The crossing?”
He smiled faintly and motioned toward the window. “Go look.”
She cast a quizzical look at him, then went to the window, peering through the double panes and out into the sky. Below, deep blue waters were giving way to rocky cliffs and a patchwork of green woodlands and mottled brown of fields left fallow for the cold season. Her brow furrowed and she glanced back at him, then back out the window again.
“Tim, where are we?” she asked, her heart starting to beat a little faster.
“Well, in about ten minutes we’ll be landing at an airstrip near the border,” he said, folding the blanket as he got up from his seat.
“Which border?”
That not-quite-shy, uncertain smile was back. “The Irish one.”
Her heart spasmed and she found herself suddenly short of breath as she turned back to the window, staring out. Home. Her throat constricted, her eyes beginning to sting. She pressed one hand against her mouth, trying not to choke on the sob that tried to bubble up from somewhere deep in her chest. He brought me home.
“This was your surprise?” she managed to ask in a choked voice.
“Part of it,” he said, resting his chin on her shoulder. “You okay?”
She nodded hard. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. I’m—I’m great.” She took one deep breath, then another before she finally looked at him. “You are incredible, you know that?”
“Only in good ways, I hope.” He kissed her lightly, then straightened up. “There is more, you know.”
“More,” she said. “More than an impromptu transatlantic flight?”
He smiled, nodding. “Yeah. More.”
“And all of it is sister-approved?”
Tim grinned. “Well, most of it.”
Kate’s brows went up. “Most of it?”
“I had to keep a few things under my hat.” Tim grinned. “Trust me. It’ll be worth it.”
“I do,” she said, then looked out the window again. “How long are we staying?”
“As long as you want,” he said. “I don’t have anything waiting for me back home right now. Neither do you.”
“Just work,” she said. Work that keeps dragging us in, dragging us under. Work that keeps taking him away without a word. She had to swallow past a lump that suddenly rose in her throat. Would it happen again, just like it always did?
Will this time somehow be different?
“Our calendars are clear for a while,” Tim told her. “Don’t worry about work. There’ll be time enough for that later. They’ll make do without us for a while.”
She looked at him again, heart missing a beat. “You mean that.”
He nodded. “With every fiber of my being.”
Her throat tightened again. She nodded slowly. “Good.”
One corner of his mouth curved up. “I love you.”
“Right back at you.” Her gaze drifted back to the window. Tim settled his arms around her and she leaned back against his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart, letting that drown out the sounds of the plane as it slowly made its descent toward the Irish countryside.
They were together and she was home and in that moment, she realized there was nowhere else she’d rather be than in his arms anywhere, not just here and not just today.
Her palm skimmed across the back of his hand and along his arm.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“For what?”
“For loving me,” she said. “And for being as damned stubborn as I am.”
He chuckled. “That’s my line.”
“It’s mine, too,” she said, then turned her head just enough to kiss his jaw. “I guess we really were made for each other, huh?”
“Guess so,” he said, his breath warm against her cheek. “Is that a bad thing?”
“No,” she said. “I don’t think so. Jury’s out, though.” She smiled crookedly. “I guess we’ll see.”
His arms tightened slightly. “Well, I for one am looking forward to finding out.”
“Me too, Tim,” she said softly. “Me, too.”
—
Twilight started to fall as their rental bumped along country roads. They drove south through farm fields and hamlets, skirting the edge of Dublin and offering her a fleeting glimpse of Malahide, the town where she’d been born and raised.
For the fifth or sixth time in the nearly three hours they’d been in the car, Kate glanced at Tim and asked, “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”
For the fifth or sixth time, the answer was the same: “You’ll see when we get there.” This time, though, he added, “We’re almost there.”
Her brow furrowed slightly as she gazed at him, then turned her attention to the landscape beyond the window. Fields started to give way to village and she caught a glimpse of something from the corner of her eye as lights began to flicker on, cast up onto medieval stone walls.
“Tim,” she breathed, leaning forward in her seat for a better look. A sign flashed by along the side of the road. She knew where they were; she’d come once with her parents and her brother as a teenager, before she’d left for school in England. She reached over, grasping his arm, nails digging slightly into his flesh, blunted by his jacket. “Are we—”
He glanced at her and smiled, then turned his eyes back to the road as he guided the car up a hill toward a car park just below their destination proper. Kate couldn’t tear her eyes from the medieval walls and spires, scarcely daring to breathe even as Tim parked the car and shut off the engine.
“I haven’t been here since—since right before I left for boarding school in England.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “Come on. We’re expected.”
She startled. “Expected? What? Wait—shouldn’t the castle be closed?”
“To the public,” he said, then smiled a little. “We pulled some strings.”
“‘We’?”
He chuckled and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Come on.”
In a daze, she climbed out of the car, circling around to the front of it and meeting Tim there. His hand found hers and squeezed.
“I love you,” he said quietly, then pressed a kiss to her ear. “I want to give you everything, but everything would never be enough. So I have to make do.”
She blinked at him, her brow furrowing. He tugged her hand, heading up the hill toward the entrance to the castle. “What is that supposed to mean?” she asked quietly as she kept pace with him.
“You know, I asked you to marry me two nights ago,” he said as they climbed the steps toward a narrow door. “Is the answer still yes?”
“Of course it is,” she said, her brow furrowing deeper. “Tim, what is going on?”
He opened the door and held it for her, nodding inside. The lights were still dim in the room beyond the door, almost as dim as the deepening twilight was outside. Kate glanced at him one more time, then stepped inside.
The lights came on, momentarily dazzling her, and as she blinked to clear the spots from before her eyes, something entirely different from the simple entry hall with a rack of pamphlets and a ticket counter came into view. The room was crammed full of faces so familiar that it made her throat tighten and her heart beat a little faster.
AJ and Mat were there, standing with Chris. Kath McCullough stood next to him, her son and daughter-in-law on the other side, Connor standing in front of them, the boy practically bouncing with excitement. CJ was nestled in her grandfather’s arms, and Lawrence Knight beamed at Kate, his eyes sparkling. Caitlin Knight made a beeline for her, arms open, and Kate reflexively hugged her back as the older woman wrapped her arms around her. Brigid was there, too, with her twins, but Kate’s heart stutter-stepped when she saw who was holding Roswell and Colleen O’Connell Kincaid.
“Oh my god,” she whispered, slipping free of Caitlin’s embrace and moving toward her brothers, eyes starting to sting. “Oh my god.”
Ewan gave her a shy little smile. “Hey sis.”
“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice already hoarse as she gathered them both into a tight hug, infants and all. “You’re supposed to be in London.”
“And you’re supposed to be in the States,” Liam said, grinning. “But here you are, safe as houses.”
Kate choked on a laugh, glancing back over her shoulder at Tim, who just smiled crookedly, leaning in the doorway. Her throat swelled and she shook her head slightly, turning back to her brothers. “Yes,” she said. “Yes, I am.”
“Don’t cry, Kate,” Ewan said, reaching with one hand to brush some tears from her lashes. “Not yet, anyway. Tears come after the vows, right?”
“Vows?” Ice shot down her spine and butterflies exploded in her belly. “What are you talking about?”
“Caitlin brought mum’s veil,” Liam said. “Hopefully the dress we picked out will fit.”
She felt light-headed. The words didn’t make sense. She looked between her brothers, taking in the mix of excitement and concern written all over their faces. Liam squeezed her arm gently, looking up at her—he wasn’t quite taller than her, not yet, though Ewan already was—and looked to still be growing.
“Didn’t he tell you?” Liam asked softly.
“You didn’t know?” Ewan said in the same breath.
“Tell me what?” Kate asked, though she already knew the answer. “Know what?”
Her brothers looked at each other, then Ewan slowly looked back at her even as Liam glanced first at Lawrence and Caitlin, then toward Tim.
“The priests are upstairs,” Ewan said. “Father Thomas, the one who baptized all of us and then another man, an American. He seems nice.”
Her breath caught. She looked back at Tim again, who smiled sheepishly and looked down at his feet.
“Maybe I should have warned you,” he said. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“It is,” Kate said, turning away from her brothers. “It is the best surprise.”
“Then you will?” he asked, barely daring to meet her gaze. He was so nervous. It made her heart ache.
“Of course,” she whispered, then glanced toward Caitlin. “The boys helped you pick out a dress?”
“Bryn Facetimed to help,” Caitlin said, smiling wryly. “Come on, then. Let’s not keep Father Thomas and Father Mason waiting.”
Caitlin took her by the arm and by the time Kate fully realized what was happening, they were a dozen rooms away from that entry foyer and Kate was confronting a silk and lace gown with a train that seemed like it must go on for miles. She swallowed hard.
“My—the boys picked this out?”
“Mmhm,” Caitlin said. “Said it reminded them of Princess Catherine and Maria from the Sound of Music. Did they do a good job?”
“Of course they did,” she whispered. “How could they not? They’re my little brothers.”
Not so little anymore, though. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s time they come live with us in the States.
She shook her head slightly, quickly. There was time enough to think about things like that later. Right now—
“How did he manage to keep all of this a secret from me?”
“Well, I think if he’d had to keep it under wraps for longer than two days, he wouldn’t have been able to.”
“You guys arranged all this in two days?”
Caitlin smiled and shook her head, starting to help her get undressed so she could get into the dress. “Not precisely. He always knew what kind of something he wanted to give you. He always hoped.”
“Then how long—”
“Mm,” Caitlin shrugged slightly. “About a year, I think. I know it’s been something on his mind for much longer than that, though.”
Her eyes stung. “I told him—”
“I know.”
“But he still—”
“Hope springs eternal, I guess.”
Caitlin held the dress so Kate could step in. The silk was cool against her skin, soft, somehow comforting. Kate stared at herself in the full-length mirror next to where the dress had been hanging and fussed with the sleeves as Caitlin started on the buttons at the back.
“Your mum would be crying right now,” Caitlin said softly as she buttoned up the long row of buttons that ran fully up Kate’s spine along the back of the dress, from tailbone to between her shoulderblades. “Her darling girl, all grown up.”
“I miss them,” Kate whispered. “I wish they were here.”
“They are, Katie,” Caitlin said. “They are.”
The was a quiet knock at the door. Kate startled, glancing back. “Who is it?”
“It’s Laurie. Are you decent? May I come in?”
Kate choked on a laugh. “Yes, of course. Come in, please.”
He slipped in, somehow already changed into a formal suit from his usual patched tweed. Lawrence shot a smile at his wife before he carefully edged his way around the train of Kate’s gown to stand in front of her. There was an envelope in his hands, one slightly time-worn though not terribly discolored.
“This—well. It wasn’t meant for you, but I think you should have it all the same,” he said slowly, holding it out to her. The envelope itself was blank, but she could tell as she took it from him that there was something inside.
“What is it?”
“Something I found in your father’s papers,” Lawrence said. “He never got to send it, I guess, before things happened.”
Her breath caught and her brows knit as she turned the envelope over in her hands. It was unsealed, had never been sealed, and she opened the flap to take out a sheet of paper. The handwriting was unmistakably her father’s and for a moment, her throat tightened and tears threatened again. She sucked in a deep breath and tried to calm herself.
It was a letter to Tim, of all people. Her hands shook a little as she stared at the words on the page. The date in the header was two days before Tim’s plane had vanished over Iraqi airspace eight years before.
“Have you read this?” she asked, her voice hoarse.
Lawrence nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I did. That’s why I kept it. I thought maybe someday you would both want to know that he did give his blessing.”
Kate squeezed her eyes shut for a few seconds, letting the tears come. They fell in silent rivulets down her cheeks, though Lawrence was quick to make sure none of them ended up on her dress, pressing a hankie to one of her cheeks, then the other.
“He was my friend, Kate,” Lawrence whispered. “And I know, even knowing everything the two of you have gone through, he would still give his blessing.”
She nodded, swallowing hard and reaching up to wipe her eyes with the heel of her hand. “Thank you, Laurie,” she said. “Thank you so much.”
“Of course.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek before he pressed the handkerchief into her free hand. “Now dry your eyes. Bryn will be up in a moment to help with your makeup and your hair and I have to go get Ewan ready to give you away.”
“I’m surprised you’re not doing it,” Kate said, drying her eyes.
“I was going to, but your brothers insisted.” Lawrence smiled. “They’re growing into fine young men, Katie.”
“I know,” she said. “I have the two of you to thank for that.”
“Not just us,” Caitlin said as she finished with the buttons and smoothed a hand down the back of Kate’s dress. “You have something to do with it yourself and don’t you argue with me about it, either.”
“Okay,” Kate said, smiling. “I won’t.” She glanced down at the letter again, then folded it and tucked it back into the envelope. “Will you take this for me? Keep it safe?”
Caitlin nodded as Lawrence took the envelope. “Of course we will.”
“Thank you,” Kate said, then kissed each of them on the cheek. “I love you both.”
“We love you, too, Katie.” Caitlin brushed her hair back from her face. “And we’re so happy for you.”
She hugged them both, then, impulsively and tightly, and for a few seconds, it was like her mother and father were really there even if it was just Caitlin Richmond and Lawrence Knight standing in their places.
Somehow, it was enough.
