Of Starships and Intergalactic Wars

Probably ten years ago, when the Internet was a younger space and podcasting and the concepts of web fiction and indie e-publishing were young, I ended up guesting on a podcast dedicated to web fiction, talking about Awakenings initially. The conversation with the host eventually drifted to my recently released book, Broken Stars, about which the host was duly enthused.

The universe of Broken Stars is in some ways more optimistic than the world of Awakenings—sure, the human race still has problems but the actual apocalypse hasn’t happened and hey, we’re in space. Sure, Earth is held by a galactic state that stands in opposition to our heroes in Broken Stars and there’s definitely a simmering conflict there, but we’ve managed to survive two wars of annihilation and enslavement by an alien race to get there.

More on that in a second.

The question—in the midst of this long-ago interview—that came up from the host, something that is probably the only thing that I remember from the whole interview, was the question whether or not Broken Stars would ever be released as web fiction, if anything in that universe would be released online as web fiction. I remember laughing and saying that I wasn’t sure it quite felt right to do it that way, that the format might not be right.

Fast forward to a pandemic, to another bachelor’s degree, to a much different point in my life than where I was in the days of that interview.

There has been an idea rolling around in my head for a little while now, suggesting that in addition to getting back to both Awakenings and at least the world of the Legacies of Lost Earth, perhaps there was hope for a web-facing taste of the Epsilon universe—of which Broken Stars is a major part.

The Preytax Wars are a historical event that takes place in the Epsilon universe, an event that planted the seeds for the status quo that exists in Broken Stars. Taking place in the 22nd century, several decades after humanity has made its way deeper and deeper into the stars (thanks to a bit of help from a few friendly alien races that made first contact in the later 21st century), the Preytax Wars represent humanity’s first encounter with a hostile alien race and two major conflicts with that race—both of which are generally characterized as life or death for humanity and human society on the whole.

Humanity won, but not without cost and not necessarily as decisively as anyone characterizing it as an existential conflict might have hoped—but no one actually thinks they’ll come back, right?

More on that to come in the future.

I have never been sure if I would actually write a full-blown book in the era of the Preytax Wars—I would have to write several, in fact, due to knowing who some of the important macro and micro stories live with. Something that I have been playing with is putting together a site that gathers fictional news reports, journal entries, sequences, etc. that would tell at least part of the story of the Preytax Wars. It’s been an idea that’s simmered for a little while now.

I suppose we’ll see what happens next.

Processing

Sometimes inspiration comes from dark places.

As I imagine many writers–especially writers of speculative fiction–do, often I use my writing as a tool to process and cope with things in the world beyond my control.  As a trained social scientist with degrees in history, anthropology, and political science, I view the world through a unique lens, one even further shaped and refracted by my identity as a writer, by my gender and my sexuality, by my sociopolitical and spiritual beliefs, by my morality and my upbringing.  Each of us carry these things as we approach the world.

I’m going to talk about Skypoint here, but there are themes woven into most of what I’ve written that draw from my perception of and reaction to the world around me.  In a lot of scenarios, some of those themes are not terribly hard to find and in others they’re more subtle.

Skypoint, as I am currently envisioning it as I work through the writing of the first draft, is one of those works that draws on a lot of darker inspirations.  Spoiler warning, if you don’t want to know what I’m planning for the book in either vague or precise terminology, stop now and move on.

Still here?  Okay.

Skypoint delves into themes around bodily autonomy, secrets, conspiracy, and war–it addresses the lengths governments will go to to protect secrets and to gain the upper hand in conflict, the lies that are sometimes told to justify actions, and who has the right to do certain things.  In the book as I’m writing it now, and the wider world surrounding it (currently planned to adjust some of the history of Legacies of the Lost Earth while telling at least part of the story of how Earth was lost in the first place), there’s a question of  who has the right to make decisions for another individual about their mind and health, about their very bodily autonomy and agency.  This is mostly depicted through the handling of people with psychic gifts (a theme that I obviously play with fairly often), but anyone who’s read the Legacies so far knows that it goes further and deeper than that–Alana Chase of the Legacies being a prime example.  David Lésarte and Hunter Drake are further examples in Skypoint, as both were offered very limited options when it came to their futures–at varying points in their lives, both before and after we meet them in the story.

So, too, does the question of justification for war and how they happen come up in the world.  Sometimes there are secrets that are kept so conflict can continue to be justified–and sometimes, as a pretext for conflict in the first place.  Admittedly, when I began working on Skypoint, there 2022 invasion of Ukraine by Russia hadn’t started, though there was still the memory of 2014 and Crimea.  Neither of these were on my mind at the time, though, but simmering geopolitical tensions certainly were, as was my own memory of the events that led up to the US-led invasion of Iraq two decades ago.  These are the things that inspire and the things that you wrestle with and sometimes, they become useful inspiration and the act of writing becomes cathartic and a mechanism of processing all of the craziness of the world.

Works like Skypoint and the Legacies and all of my other projects have a hint of this to it, except for maybe Magic Crystal Justice Squad which is definitely half tumblr-born dare and maybe half escapism born of a global pandemic.

So I guess, in a way, even that’s a coping mechanism.

Inspiration can come from dark places and dark things, but harnessing that inspiration can help a writer–or any artist–produce something beautiful and lasting, in spite of or perhaps because of its roots.  Every work is the product of the time, circumstances, and influences of its creation.

Especially mine.

UNSETIC Files – background snaps – CampNaNoWriMo April 2022

As promised, the scene that I’d started in this image.

There isn’t much that’s been revealed about the Order, their secrets, or some of their leading figures in the UNSETIC universe yet.  There is one family of mages, though, that connects more of the Order than anyone suspects–and it’s not the Knight family, either.

Enjoy the scene of twin brothers whose hands are in more than a few things.

“Cay, this has to stop.”

Ezacaius closed his eyes, exhaling a silent sigh, listening to the familiar cadence of his brother’s footsteps as Harrison approached him from behind. He knew his brother’s tread intimately, and that knowledge had saved Harrison more than once from the more unpleasant consequences of sneaking up behind him. Occasionally, though, he wished that propriety and filial affection didn’t prevent him from meting out some of those consequences—especially when his twin adopted the particular tone he’d just used. “And which particular ‘this’ are you referring to, Harry? I have a lot of irons that I’m watching in the fire.”

“For the love of god, Cay, please do not play games today. You know what I’m talking about.” Harrison’s hand closed on his shoulder and yanked, hard, as if he was trying to spin his brother to face him. Ezacaius pivoted easily, opening his eyes as he spun a hundred and eighty degrees to face his twin. Every cutting, biting, clever remark that he’d martialed died on his tongue as he took in Harrison’s haggard appearance, his bloodshot eyes and the dark shadows beneath them.

“Hell, Harry. What is it? What happened?”

Harrison laughed. It was a bitter sound, harsh, almost but not quite grating. “I’ve been trying to put out the fires you’ve been ignoring, that’s what. Do you have any idea what a hornet’s nest you’ve kicked with all of your little experiments?”

“They’re not experiments,” Ezacaius murmured, shaking his head. “And you know that. It’s adapting to changing times and situations.”

“Cay.”

“I’m not having this old argument again,” he whispered. “We’re beyond that, Harry. At least I thought we were.”

“We never settled anything,” Harrison said, sounding tired. “We only stopped talking about it.”

“Then what’s changed now?” Ezacaius took his brother gently by the arm, drawing him toward a chair by the fireplace. The lodge was cozy enough for a retreat, with its wood floors and overstuffed chairs, though it tended to remind him of things that were sometimes best left forgotten, if only to spare himself the pain of the memory.

Harrison dropped heavily into the offered chair, his gaze fixed on the flickering flames of the hearth. “Don’t lie to me, Cay.  It’s all beyond your ability to control now, isn’t it? It’s grown too big. Your hands aren’t holding the reins tight anymore. It isn’t like you promised it would be.”

“What do you mean?” He circled the chair, crouched at his brother’s knee so he could look up into Harrison’s face. The shadows and light of the fireplace made his brother seem older, more tired and careworn. It made him ache. “Harry, which part of all of it are you talking about?”

“Adam Ford came to me today. He’s beside himself. Can’t convince his latest student when to leave well enough alone. She’s joined one of your organizations, Cay. Even over his objections, she did it. Now she’s demanding answers he can’t give her because they’re secrets twelve feet above her ass. Why didn’t you tell me, Cay? Why didn’t you tell me that magi were going across? We swore—”

“You swore,” Ezacaius said quietly. “I never made that promise, harry, and you know why I couldn’t.”

“Her sacrifice—”

Pain spiked, a fist wrapping around his heart and squeezing. “Was for us—for Moyra. I know. I should have gone with her. Maybe if I had, this would be over.”

“Is that why? Is that why you’ve allowed magi across? To end it?”

Ezacaius took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He’d expected rage to bubble up, but instead he was only tired, almost empty. “There are exactly two magi in my employ that have ever gone across since the foundation of the Corps, Harry. Caitlin’s daughter doesn’t do it on the regular and I’m guessing Alisa is the one that Adam’s all bent out of shape about.”

Harrison blinked, staring at him for a few seconds in what at least appeared to be stunned silence. “How—”

“How much has Adam told you about her?” Ezacaius sat back against his heels. “Does he even know the whole of the story? Do you?”

“She was one of his students,” Harrison said slowly. “One of his protégés. They teach together now in Chicago—when she’s not working for you, crossing over and doing god knows what on the other side. Probably drawing attention back to us.”

“Harry, that war never ended, no matter how much we hoped that we’d somehow broken the cycle. They just rewrote the rulebook without our consent. They’ve never forgotten and our resistance to their demands just made them turn to other methods. That’s part of why the Corps exists and and why the parent organization is so damn important.”

“What are you talking about?” The suspicion was heavy in Harrison’s voice, in the frowning furrow of his brow. He was curious, though. That, too, was in his voice, and the familiar glint was in his eye. That gave his brother hope that maybe, just maybe, they would end up seeing eye to eye on this one rather than letting yet another disagreement fester.

“They’re still coming, Harry. The Cabal is still coming here and instead of abiding by the agreement, they’re just taking whoever they can get their hands on. One of those people is Alisa’s brother. Another was her fiancé.”

Harrison went very still, blinking at him. Slowly, his hands curled into fists against his knees. “Why—”

“Why didn’t I tell you?” Ezacaius sighed. “Would you have believed me? Would you have listened? Oh, Harry. It was just one of those things that you don’t talk about until you have a handle on what to say. I’m still trying to get a feel for the numbers.”

“Who else knows? How long has this been going on?”

“You and I. I imagine Adam thinks the incident was isolated. Caitlin Knight and her daughter.”

“And Lawrence?”

“Probably more than we suspect he does but let’s be honest. He knows more secrets than most and he’s got no use for the politics of any of it, now does he? Whatever he knows, he’ll do what’s necessary when he decides the time’s right.”

“That line was always so damned sharp. It’s a shame he’s the last.”

“Last of the name, maybe, but not last of the blood. Bryn’s gifts may be more in line with Caitlin’s, but she has a son and I imagine there’ll be more children soon enough.” Ezacaius shook his head. “We’re getting off-track.”

“Are we?”

“A bit.” He smiled wryly. “As I said. I’m still trying to get a good feel for the numbers. But the incident where Alisa McConaway’s brother and fiancé were taken was not an isolated one, no matter what Adam might believe. There have been others.” He paused. “Including one of Moyra’s great-grandchildren. From her relationship with Andrew.”

“What? Does she know?”

“No,” Ezacaius said. “Honestly, I don’t think she wants to. She lives in the now. What’s past is in the past. I almost feel bad for her.”

“Her husband is a piece of work. Dangerous.”

“He’s her damned good reason to break form the Order for good,” Ezacaius said, then sighed. “She’s given up her magic, Harry. I didn’t believe her when she said she was going to do it, but it seems that’s the case.”

“I don’t know why you didn’t believe her. I did. I believed it the minute I met that fire and brimstone bastard she married.”

“At least we know she’ll be left well out of whatever happens next,” Ezacaius said. “That was always a concern where the Cabal was involved.”

“Only because of the agreement.”

“Which they’re violating. Which we shoved down their throat two generations ago.” He shook his head. “They will always be a threat, Harry. They’re going to be a threat until they’re stopped once and for all. Given what they’ve taken from her, I can’t ask Alisa to stop. That’s what Adam wants, isn’t it? For her to stop?”

“Adam knows some about why the Portals are dangerous,” Harrison said. “He knows about the Cabal.”

“But not all of it.”

“No. Not all of it.”

Ezacaius sighed. “All of the Order’s secrets to consider and sometimes it feels the secret about this war is the biggest and most troublesome—and the one that maybe we shouldn’t have kept.”

“Aye, but we don’t have a choice now, do we? It has to be kept. At least for now and for the foreseeable future.”

“Aye,” Ezacaius said softly, feeling hollow. “For now, that’s the way it must be.”

“Cay.”

“I agreed with you, brother,” he said, then smiled wryly. “Don’t press your luck.”

Harrison choked on a laugh, leaning forward to pull him into a hug. “I worry about you, you know. You carry too much.”

“We both do, Harry,” Ezacaius said as he wrapped his arms around his twin, squeezing the other man tight. “I fear that’s the path fate wrote for us.”

Harrison’s arms loosened for a moment and he leaned back to look Ezacaius in the eye. “Do you think she’ll come back to it?”

“Moyra? No. No, I don’t think so. I thought maybe she would eventually for a while, but then everything with her children happened and I—no, Harry. No, she’ll never come back to it. Her husband’s made certain of that.”

“He’s a right bastard.”

“He is,” Ezacaius agreed softly. “But we weren’t the ones that chose, nor would she have ever stood for us being the ones to do the choosing.”

“Sometimes, I think if she hadn’t lost Andrew…”

“But she did. But I think you’re right. That was the beginning.”

“Damned shame.”

“A lot of things are, Harry.” Ezacaius squeezed him one more time, then let go, sitting back against his heels again. “So it’s as it’s always been. Left to us to sort through the pieces.”

“Do you think you’ve made the right choice? With the organizations?”

“I think it’s the only way,” Ezacaius admitted. “The world’s changing, Harry. Secrets won’t stay secret forever, but until the world’s ready, something has to be done.”

“There were already mechanisms in place for that.”

One corner of his mouth kicked into a smile as he stood up, stretching. “Aye, there were—and are. But for all of our sakes, more safety nets might be useful. The world’s getting too big, too complicated. At some point, we’ll miss something. All of us will miss something. Then it’s game over for all of us.”

“You sound certain of that.”

“You were, too, when we had the original conversation.” Ezacaius smiled. “This isn’t just on me, Harry. You know that.”

For a second, Harrison glared up at him, but the glare was short-lived, chased away by a rueful smile. “I hate it when you’re right, you know.”

“Then it’s a good thing that doesn’t happen very often.” He offered him his hand. “Come on. Let’s go get something to eat and let the nonsense settle for a little while.”

Harrison grinned, letting his brother pull him to his feet. “Aye, and then you’re going to tell me more about what you know about Adam’s protégé.”

Ezacaius laughed, throwing his arm around Harrison’s shoulders. “Whatever you want, brother. Whatever the hell you want.”

UNSETIC Files: Lost and Found – New scene for draft 2

Here’s a new scene for early on in Lost and Found. Based on feedback from test reads, a few things will be happening in the midst of the second draft, including adding Tim as a POV character and bulking up the major throughlines for the book.  This scene helps set one of those up.  Enjoy!

Adam picked up the phone on the third ring, which was two rings too many for my liking at this time of day. “Hello, Alisa.”

“Hey, Adam.” I grimaced, leaning forward for a better look at the road before I changed lanes. I-80 was as awful as I’d expected, even though it was almost past the worst of the rush hour—or maybe that was why it was getting bad. “I’m going to need someone to proctor my exam tomorrow. I already made copies of the questions, I just need someone to give the test for me.”

“Something wrong?”

“Uhm.” I drew the syllable out for a few seconds longer than was strictly necessary, trying to martial my thoughts. Of course he’d ask if something was wrong—and of course, I didn’t have a good answer already in my back pocket.

I should have thought this through before I called. Real smart, Alisa. Really damn smart. It took an extra second for me to come up with an appropriate response. “Not precisely wrong, no.”

There was silence on the other end of the line for a beat. “Are you driving?”

“Yes.”

“Heading home from downtown? You’re not usually there so late.”

“No, not heading home.” I exhaled, just barely managing to suppress the urge to sigh. “I’m on 80 heading toward the Ohio line.”

“Wait, why are you in Indiana? Why are you going to Ohio? Alisa, what’s going on?”

“I’m not actually going to Ohio. I just have to drive through it.” A car nearly merged into me. It was all I could do not to lay on my horn, instead glaring out my passenger window as I sped up. “I’m going to Virginia.”

“Virginia? Why the hell are you going to Virginia?”

“Because that’s where my brother is.”

For a second time on the call, my statement was met with silence. This time, Adam was quiet for so long that I double-checked the dash to make sure that we hadn’t gotten disconnected—that the call hadn’t hung up and that my phone was still connected to the hands-free on the car. Finally, Adam found his voice again.  “So he’s alive.”

“We knew he was alive,” I said. “We just didn’t know where he was.”

“And apparently, he’s back on Earth. In Virginia, no less. Why Virginia?”

“I’m not sure,” I said, stomach twisting. “That’s part of why I’m going—there are a lot of questions I need answered.”

“Why not tell him to come home?”

“Pretty sure that’s what I’m going to do after I talk to him face-to-face, Adam. But first I have to figure out how long he’s been back and why he hasn’t come home yet.” My throat tightened for a moment and I swallowed, trying to get it to loosen, to prevent a lump from climbing up again. Yeah, it was a mystery, but one I’d solve in the next thirty-six hours, with any luck. Driving all night alone probably wasn’t the smartest move I’d ever made, but that was my choice. I wanted to see him as soon as I could without the corporate charter—driving twelve hours to Virginia from Illinois was my only option.

Besides, if I was planning on dragging him home, it would be harder to do that without a car.

“You need to bring him to see me, Alisa.”

I startled, blinking rapidly at the display on my dashboard, as if somehow I could look through it to see Adam. I couldn’t, of course, but if I had, maybe it would have given me some insight into his absurd request—and he would have realized exactly how insane I thought the request actually was. “Excuse me?”

“I said you need to bring him to me when you get him here. I need to talk to him, Alisa. You need me to talk to him.”

“I do, do I?” I don’t like where this is going. I’m not sure where it’s going but I think I know and I really, really don’t like it. “What, do you think he’s some kind of threat to the Order?”

“There is a distinct possibility, but no, that’s not why.”

“Oh, good. Because I’d hate to think you were going to make this a more traumatic thing for him than it already is.”

He made a sound that I could only quantify as disgusted—disgusted and openly dismissive. “Traumatic! Alisa, why in the name of heaven and earth would any of it be traumatic?”

I glared at the call timer on the dashboard for a split second before I had to turn my eyes back to the road. “I don’t know, Adam. Let me break it down. He was kidnapped to other planets by some really bad people and I don’t know how or when he escaped or how or when he got back to Earth. I know that they had brainwashed him into working for them, but I don’t know exactly what was done or what he was feeling during the whole experience. Now you’re asking me to drag him to some authority figure of mine to talk about god knows what almost as soon as I’ve seen him again. Yeah, that’s—that sounds like a great idea, doesn’t it? Let’s do that. Let’s add insult to whatever injury’s lingering there.” My jaw tightened, teeth grinding, and I had to count to three so I could force myself to relax at least a fraction. “I’m not doing that to him, Adam. If he talks to you, it’s his choice. I am not about to force the issue.”

“If he’s anything like you—”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Alisa!” his quiet cry of protest was more exasperated than anything. “If he is as talentedas you are with magic, then someone needs to see to his training—at leastto give him guidance. You know how difficult muddling through it all alone can be. You’ve seen it.”

“I have seen it,” I said. I tried to keep my tone level, to not let my suspicion and worry—and anger—creep into my voice. None of that emotion was going to do any good, not yet, not in the face of his stubborn exasperation. “And I also know my brother. He’s not going to be ready for that, not for any of it, not yet. I can only force so much and making him come see you isn’t one of the things I’m going to waste leverage on, Adam.” I didn’t tell him that I wasn’t going to do it because I wasn’t sure it was the right thing, regardless. I knew that Tim had gotten some training somewhere beyond the Portals—probably from his Cabal masters, which was a terrifying thought in and of itself—and at least that would be enough for him to understand the basics of the talent that he had and what he might be able to do with it. In the short term—maybe even in the long term—that would be enough.

He didn’t need to get sucked into Order politics and plots. Not now and maybe not ever. I was still trying to figure it all out myself and while I knew and trusted Adam, there were things that I knew he hadn’t been entirely forthright with me about. While I was willing to accept that temporarily, that same sort of behavior and secret-keeping probably wasn’t going to go over very well with Tim.

This was just another problem I was trying to prevent from blooming for the sake of my own sanity and everyone else’s.

“I hardly think you’d end up categorizing it as a waste,” Adam said. “This is an unprecedented—”

“Which part?” I interrupted. “Which part of this is unprecedented, Adam, and in what context? Because there’s a lot to unpack here. There is more to unpack here than you have everbothered to lay out of me in the past two years since I joined the Corps andthe Order. So why don’t you start? Start explaining it to me and then I can judge this once all the cards are out on the table.”

“Alisa—”

No,” I said a second before I laid on my horn at someone who’d cut me off crossing three lanes of traffic so they wouldn’t miss an exit. “No, Adam, if you are going to push this, then dammit, you owe me answers first. This is my brother we’re talking about. I love him and he deserves every fucking ounce of my caution and protection. So either I have a full understanding of why you’re on about this and why you’ve been so fucking upset about what I’ve been doing beyond the Portals or this conversation is over.”

There was a long pause before Adam’s voice came quietly. “Then I suppose this conversation is over.”

“Dammit, Adam.”

“No,” he said. “You don’t understand, Alisa. There is so much at stake with all of this.”

“I would probably understand if you told me something.”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t, or won’t?”

“Both.” The word hit like a physical blow and yet somehow, he sounded exhausted. “It’s both. There—you understand, there are things that we don’t talk about, even within the Order—there are secrets that simply aren’t given voice to. Not by people like me.”

“But other people would.”

“Alisa.”

“Adam, you know where I’m coming from, right? I understand secrets. What I don’t understand is keeping them from the people who might actually need to know them. If these secrets are tied to the Portals, maybe they’re secrets that I deserve to know. Hell, if not me, then maybe Bryn. Does Bryn know?”

“No, Ms. Knight-McCullough doesn’t know.”

“Well, then,” I said, my voice dropping to match the quiet cadence of his—though my tone was much more stern. “Then that’s even more concerning, since I thought that she was the one from the Order that was actually monitoring all of that. If she doesn’t know—”

“Alisa, please.”

“Please what? Please what, Adam? What, exactly, am I supposed to be thinking right now? Is this your way of punishing me for not listening to you? You know why I didn’t walk away—why I couldn’t walk away.”

“Yes,” he said softly. “I understood why you couldn’t and didn’t walk away. I can only hope that you will now, with him being safely back.”

Cold shot through me. “Excuse me? He was not the only reason I was doing this.”

“If he knows where Matthias is—”

“If he knows where Mat is, I will be involved in that. Just because Tim’s back and safe doesn’t mean that I’m giving this up. There are too many people counting on me, Adam. Maybe a year, year and a half ago, maybe I would’ve given it up. But not now. Give up on that hope, Adam. You’ll be better off letting it go, I promise you that.” I swallowed the bile that curdled at the back of my throat. The vile taste didn’t go away, though, nor did the churning, roiling feeling in my stomach. “What the hell do you know, Adam? What the hell do you know that you’re not telling me?” My voice was cracking, quavering, and I hated it but I couldn’t help it, either.

What the hell does he know about all of this that he’s never told me? And why did he keep secrets that could’ve helped?

“Please, Alisa,” he whispered. “I can’t.”

“Then the least you can do is make sure my class takes their exam,” I said, forcing my voice to steady, to be firm. “Can you do that? Please.”

“Yes,” he said. “Yes, I can do that.”

“Good. I’ll let you know if I won’t be back in time for classes after spring break.”

“Alisa—”

“Thank you, Adam.”

“Alisa, please don’t hang up. I’m sorry, but I need you to understand—”

“I’ll call you later,” I said. “G’night, Adam.”

I hung up the phone before he could say anything else. My hands tightened around the steering wheel.

It was already almost dark. The highway was starting to clear out more and more the further I got from the interchanges. The Ohio line wasn’t far, now.

A sign by the side of the road reflected in my headlights. Five miles to a Starbucks. Tonight was going to be a long drive, but at least now I had some anger for fuel before my next coffee stop—and probably well beyond that.

At least I knew for sure that were secrets tied to the Portals, though—and likely more of them than I ever suspected. He could keep them for now.

I was growing increasingly sure that I’d stumble across them on my own.

Another UNSETIC snippet – Camp NaNo April 2022

This random snippet has been rattling around my head here and there for a couple months.  Finally got around to putting it down to paper.

The last few steps to her front door felt like miles, her skull pounding dully behind her eyes. At least the headache hadn’t kicked in until she was most of the way home from the hospital, a trip that had felt far too long for her liking either way. She’d hated to leave, but Connor had been right—hanging around wasn’t changing anything going on, so it was better for her to come home and get some actual, decent sleep rather than dozing on the couch in a borrowed office.

At least, she’d let him convince her it was better to do that. Everything was too weird, too much. Maybe with sleep, she’d be able to make sense of some of what she’d gleaned from her friend’s rambling murmurs. Of course, that assumed there was any sense to make of them one way or another. They might’ve been a side effect of whatever had hit him on that last run.

Someone tried to kill him. Someone tried to kill all of them and took Daze in the process. What the hell is that all about?

Another mystery to unravel, just when she’d been beginning to worry that maybe she’d run out of them.

That’s not true. You weren’t worried that you’d run out. You were worried that you’d run out of things to distract you from dealing with shit you don’t want to deal with. You were worried that you’d run out of other people’s problems to solve so you’d have to wrestle with your own.

But did it really matter?

Her keys jangled as she reached up to unlock the bolt. As soon as she started to twist the key in the lock, she knew something was wrong.

I didn’t forget to lock it this morning, did I?

Bile soured the back of her throat and she swallowed hard. Wouldn’t that be the icing on the cake?

As quietly as she could, she put her keys away. Breathe, she told herself. Steady. Just breathe. Her fingers closed around the grip of her pistol, the textured metal colder than her hand.

Breathe and focus.

The pounding in her head took on the same cadence as her racing heart. All she could hear was the thunder of blood in her ears.

Don’t make something out of nothing. It could be nothing.

She barely heard the creak of a floorboard beyond the door, but she knew it wasn’t her imagination. There was someone in her apartment.

If there’s someone in there and they want to do something bad to me, I’m as good as dead already.

There was cold comfort in the thought, though it did little to calm her.

Show’s not over yet.

She twisted the knob and shoved the door inward, bringing her sidearm up as she boiled through the entry, eyes scanning her living room for intruders. “Move and I will put a bullet in you before you move a step closer.”

His back was to her—a figure in jeans and a baggy sweater with a hood, tousled hair almost too long to be called short, his jeans dark and the sweater a shade that wasn’t pink but wasn’t quite red, either. Her heart climbed into her throat and lodged there. She knew that sweater. She knew what it would feel like beneath her fingertips, knew the smell of it—dryer sheets and his cologne.

She lowered the gun slowly. Her hands were shaking. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard something happened to T. You shouldn’t be trying to deal with that alone.”

“I thought you were with GreySoft. How did you—wait. Dr. Grey, or the other one?”

“The other one. Don’t act so surprised. It wasn’t that long ago.”

“Long enough.”

“Not for them. Or us.” There was a pause. She knew it was because he’d swallowed. “Can I turn around now or are you going to shoot me if I do?”

“I’m not going to shoot you.” She set the gun on the side table, next to the basket where she usually left her keys, then closed the door and set the bolt. “How did you get in?”

“You never asked for the key back.”

Her stomach felt hollow. She didn’t remember that, but it sounded likely. She’d wondered more than once if watching him leave had been a mistake, but her life was here and the job at GreySoft had been too good to pass up.

Wisconsin wasn’t her speed. At least, that had been her excuse. Sometimes in the months since, she’d wondered whether or not it was actually a lie.

“I guess I didn’t,” she whispered, staring at the worn rug over scuffed wood beneath her feet. “When did you get here?”

“A few hours ago.” His voice was closer. She didn’t dare look up. She wasn’t sure she could face him, wasn’t sure that she could take whatever expression was on his face. The plan had been to come home to an empty apartment, maybe have a shower, and try to sleep off her worry so she could be prepared for another round tomorrow. Dealing with anyone other than her own inner demons wasn’t something she was mentally or emotionally prepared for.

And yet, she didn’t want him to go.

“I wasn’t sure what hospital,” he continued, his voice quiet, gentle—not quite soothing. It was too firm for that, too firm and yet somehow too uncertain. “So I figured I’d just wait here. You’d have to come home eventually, right?”

“I almost didn’t,” she said. There was a tremor in her voice that she couldn’t have hidden if she’d tried, one born of worry and fatigue and emotions beyond naming. “I almost stayed there. I did last night. Connor—his doctor sent me home tonight. Told me to get some sleep.”

“That was probably best.”

He was close enough to touch. She could see the toes of his scuffed sneakers, the style of Converse he’d worn for as long as she’d known him. Something about that made the lump in her throat lodge tighter, swell larger.

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“Glory?”

She squeezed her eyes shut against the sting of tears. Why am I crying? I shouldn’t be crying. I can’t be crying. I can’t. What is there to—

His hands closed gently around her shoulders. That was all it took.

She fell into his touch and buried her face against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist and hanging on for dear life as she sobbed her fear and worry out into the soft cotton of his sweater, the sweater she’d given him two Christmases ago when they were first falling in love.

No words were murmured into her hair as he held her, but she could feel the warmth of his breath, hear the beat of his heart, and for just a moment, she let herself believe that maybe, just maybe, everything would be all right.

Somehow, everything would be all right.

Board update

Long overdue board update of current/pending/impending/returning fiction projects.

My chair might have been claimed when I stood up to put the board back together again.